Saturday, February 24, 2007

Rough Days

This blog is a place that I can type whatever is on my mind. I have no idea who reads it, but I have made no effort to hide its existence. This is what was on my mind tonight. . .

I make no apologies and offer no explanation.
These are my thoughts. This is my reality.

I've had some rough days lately. . .Don't really know why. . .

I'm not sure if it's. . .
. . .Trying to deal with the negativity around me when I try to be so positive (keyword: try).

. . .Riding on the roller-coaster ride that I inadvertently got on. . .And have no idea how to get off.

. . .Being single, which was so great a few weeks ago, and is now playing games with my psyche.

. . .Realizing that paying for the gall-bladder divorce has resulted in either not being able to finish working on the condo or not taking a vacation this year.

. . .Being drained by all of the work involved with the last 20.

. . .Dealing with a Mother Nature that is still way too screwed up from the surgery.

. . .Watching tons of crap enter my space, despite living all of my spiritual beliefs.

. . .Experiencing the frustration of living in a condo that is in multiple stages of remodeling.

. . .Having a verbal slap slung my way from a source that I never expected and don't understand what I did to deserve. Honestly - it hurt, more than I ever thought it would.

This is what I am do know. . .
. . .I am not a crier - truly. Tears are usually a result of funerals, surgery or being incredibly pissed off. I have not had to say goodbye to anyone lately, I am not recovering from surgery and I am not pissed at this moment. But yet, I find myself with tears on my face as I type this.

. . .I am tired of this.

. . .The days may get rougher and I fear it is not going to be easy to get my life back. I am just holding space that I don't have to burn any bridges that are dear to my heart.

In all actuality - I am blessed:
I have my health.
I am the freedom to make choices as I choose.
I have a good job.

Damn-it! I want my fun, positive, enjoyable life back.

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