Hard Pill to Swallow

It is a hard thing to accept...

It's the last thing that I even wanted to consider...

But it is becoming obvious that something I have dedicated a big portion of my life to could care less about me.

I am not sure how this is going to impact things, but it is hardening me a bit more.

If they don't like the results, they can fuck off.
They do not get to have their cake and eat it too.
Who am I kidding, they could care less and they'll eat that cake.

Namaste.

On The Road Again...

I always have blocks of time in the car by myself... 

But normally it doesn't leave time for deep thinking as: 

  - I am becoming more coherent and waking up...

  - I am catching up with family/friends...

  - I am running errands...

  - I am prepping for/recovering from work...

This week, I was semi on vacation and semi traveling and semi working remotely. 

It called for a lot of driving...

And without most of the other normal distractions, three long drives (add some wine to alone time at the end of it all) led to a lot of deep thinking. 

I've realized that I am a very loyal person... 

That is good in some cases...
That is bad in some cases...

I need to seriously reevaluated a part of my life. 

I need to look at some loyalty and determine if it is good or bad.

I need to make my relationships give and take and not just give.
I need to put MBB and myself first.

Used to be when I rambled like this... I was struggling to figure it out on my own. 

Feels much better to have someone to hash all of this out with and realized that this is a process that I need to do.

Let's see how this ends up.

Namaste.

Going to the Movies

I'm not a big fan of movies. 

I get bored...
I have to tinkle (doesn't matter how long the movie is)...
I can't stay awake...
I'm constantly worried about bed bugs...

But...
I admit, there are some good movies there worth the unbelievable ticket prices.

American Sniper is be one of them.

I read the book...
Way before they started even talking publicly about a movie.
Before the unfortunate death in Texas.

I loved the book...
I tried to talk MBB and OB into reading it.

I failed.

The movie was good...
The book was better...

As with most books to movies, they just have to cut so much out in order to make the movie.

I get it.

I know that Clint Eastwood and Bradley Cooper did what they had to do to make a hit that was in good taste, was true to the book and was respectful to the memory of Chris Kyle.

Everyone talked about the theater emptying out in complete silence.
Agreed...

I think that would be the case if I saw it 100 times.
I personally think that doing anything else would be just as bad as, if not worse than, talking during the National Anthem.

Go Google how Chris Kyle felt about that one...

I think that this movie is as deserving of as many awards as Chris Kyle received personally.

I must say, if you liked the movie - go read the book!

Namaste.

Goodbye

Today, we said Goodbye.

Well, technically, I said Goodbye to a sleeping man last Wednesday. 
Pip Squeak and I went to his bed...I told him we loved him and, I admit as I was fighting back the tears, I whispered Goodbye...
Because I was afraid that I wouldn't see him again.

I was right.

Today was hard...
The funeral home was packed (they had to pull more chairs out of closets)...
I could hear him now "What are all these people doing here for me?"

The pallbearers were made up of one member from each of the eight children's lines who were there (one step-family could not make the trip).  MBB represented our line.
I was moved and liked the symbolism...
Whether it was meant or not...
Whether anyone else noticed...

There is one thing that I am a stickler on...
Funeral Processions.
I stop. 
I pay my respects. 
I do not move my car when a funeral procession is driving by me.
That is the way I was raised.  That is how they do it "back where my grandpa grew up".
It has driven me crazy since I moved south (~20 years to be exact) when I see people ignoring this.

Today, I saw it.
Our procession was long...
And all, but four rude *(&%^&$s, stopped. 
They didn't always know who was being honored...
But they showed respect anyway.

It was a fitting goodbye to a great man.

Namaste.

Grandfathers

There have been many people who have touched my life in many ways...
But there are three specifically who have been grandfathers to me.

One was there from my birth and to this day, 14 years after he was taken from me, I still think of him daily.
I was definitely Grandpa's girl. 
When asked that philosophical question "If you could have a conversation with anyone, past or present, living or dead...", I never have to think about it - I'd be talking with my Grandpa.

The second stepped into the role when I joined his life through marriage and never hesitated for one moment.  When others in the family didn't want me to be "a real part" of the family, he stepped in and took care of it....Until he was taken from me about 24 years ago that is, then I was no longer "a real part" of the family anymore.

The third was one of the first to make me feel welcomed when MBB brought me into his family.  His was the one house that I would go to without MBB and feel like I belonged.  A great man who welcomed all into his family...

All three men were larger than life to me...
All impacted who I am...
And as of yesterday, all have amazing wings and memories and legacies...

Love you all...
Miss you lots...
The tears flow for all three of you.

Namaste.

Papaw's Helper

Ever so often, I see something that tugs on my heart strings...

And I have to run to get the camera...Hoping and praying that I won't miss it...

I didn't.

In case you can't figure it out (the picture which really shows what is going on shows his face and since I don't want my two-year old grandson's face on the internet without any kind of security...): Zilla was very happy to help his Papaw carry some long (but lightweight) blinds out to the truck.

Namaste.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder!

It all started about 12 years ago, give or take a year or two, when I would travel north a few hours to visit Egypt.  I would drive by a particular coffee shop on my way to her apartment.

The plan was to go drop off my bag and pick her up and then go grab a cup of yumminess.

I remember her saying - you won't be able to drive by it...

And my... Of course I can - just a few minutes to get you (literally, it was a little bit of a hike on foot to get there from her apartment, but nothing in the car).

Then, she would pick up her phone with a "I'll have a...." knowing that I was calling from the coffee shop for her order because I just couldn't drive by it...

Then, they came expanded down to the Queen City and one opened a medium hike from my condo...

Almost, but not really, close enough that it didn't warrant the gas to start the car.

Now, if they got the sidewalks built...Maybe...

This was all just in time for me to move away to be with MBB.

Figures.

And no plans to expand across the river.

So, the trips to the coffee shop became a treat when the kids and I had doctor/dentist appointments in that area.  And believe me - it was a treat that we all looked forward to... 

Snowdrift anyone?

Then, one day - in the fall of 2013, after a not-so pleasant doctor's visit (yes ladies, you know what I'm talking about) - I pulled up and there was brown paper on the windows and a big closed for good sign on the door.

I was heart broken...  

They closed every shop in Ohio (and a few others)...

Fast foward to the end of 2014...

Every so often, when I am in mitten land, I stumble across my favorite coffee shop.

OK... I may have stumbled the first time - now, I make a bee-line to go there when I am at the airport!

And I am realizing that I have never been close enough to this yumminess to get it everyday.

I'm starting to think that the absence and distance makes my taste buds like it so much more!

I will chose to ignore the on-line reports that the shops in Michigan may be axed in the future...

Probably just when my moving truck crosses the state-line.

Namaste.

Blast From the Past

I have always said that I would love to pay $1.00 for a gallon of gas again - like I did when I first got my driver's license oh so many years ago.  

Heck, I'd love to just see that 1 at the begining again (I believe that I was yelling this the loudest when we were getting darn close to $4.00).

I have to say that I was pretty happy when this happened:

Full transparency: fuel rewards helped... 

But, I did see regular prices continue to go down and get pretty close to this price before going back up.

OK, I should have posted this on the day that I took it...

Oops.

It was sometime in December...

Namaste.

My Favorite Meal

I am back on the calorie counting, hunger fighting, wanting to make my knees feel better when I go up the stairs mode...

This is very difficult for me when you talk about my favorite meal of the day:  Breakfast.

Especially when I travel, and have access to those warming trays and stacks of plates...

I have been known to blow my entire day's allotment of calories at one of those hotel breakfast buffets!  

Okay, not a normal person's calories, but remember that mode I just talked about... 

Yeah - those calories.

So, I was very impressed with myself (yep - enough that I thought to document it) when I was up in mitten land last month and walked away from a buffet with this...

My Fitness Pal liked me that day!

Namaste.

It's Mine!

And speaking of cute (talking about yesterday's post), Yeager-bomb is full of cute-ness these days.  

Zilla got a seat that pulls out into a small bed/lounger for Christmas.  Not going to be pretty when Zilla and Yeager-bomb decide to have it out on who Elmo really belongs to...

Sorry, Yeager-bomb... I think that Zilla is going to win!

This picture is not a one-time deal.  I find him sitting here more often than I don't.

Namaste.

Hiding

When I was pulling the Christmas presents out from under the tree, Mr. Yeager-bomb high-tailed it to claim a spot.  

With all of the lights (yes, even on a pre-lit tree!), it was hard to get a good picture of him, but he is there under the second step, behind the present wrapped in red.

And, yes... I know that my Christmas Tree is down and the Holidays are over...

But I just saw the picture on my computer and thought it was too cute to not share.

Namaste.

Mourning

I have found that I don't like making cookies anymore.  

Mainly, because I don't like all of the waiting that is involved!

Bagged cookies aren't so bad as they only have two or three cookie sheets to go into the oven... 

I can handle that much waiting.

But, when you have 10, 11, 12 cookie sheets.  No thanks...

So, I have found myself making more things that either only go in the oven once or not at all.

Cookie bars... Muffins... Mini-loaves... And yes, Christmas Wreaths!

I really like the wreaths and they tend to disappear whenever I take them anywhere...

And then, it happened...

The only place that carried the round pretzels, stopped (I'm looking at you Meijer!).

I literally stood in the aisle with tears in my eyes.

Yes, I can order them on-line... 

12 bags at a time...

Or pay twice the cost of the pretzels in shipping...

So, I started using the mini-twists (or small size...don't know which one I ended up with)...

Yes, they may taste better with more pretzel to the chocolate, but...

I am still mourning my wreaths.  

No more MnMs on it... 

No more clever name...

I also made a few recipes that I saw on facebook: 

Coal Bars

White Chocolate / Red Velvet Fudge

Neither turned out great and probably won't be a repeat for me.

Namaste.

Back to Reality

Well, it is my last day off...
Back to the grindstone tomorrow.

Well, back to the grindstone for someone else that is.
Don't really think that I took much of a "relaxation break" this time around as I did a "get things done for myself break" type of deal.

Don't know if that has anything to do with the funky mood I am in today or if it is just what it is.
But, I am so irritable, it isn't funny.
Can't say that one person did something to put me in the funk.
I'm just there.

I can say that being in the funk, there are little things that are grating on my ever last nerve, but I don't see any of that changing any time soon. AUGH

Tomorrow starts the first week of the year which means that I will start focusing on my goals.
I am trying to figure out the best way to track what I've done, so I can be more accountable...
To myself, at least.

I am also going to try to do the plank challenge starting today... 20 seconds...
What have I got myself into?

Namaste.

Welcome 2015!

Based on how 2013 went (when I didn't do my traditional New Year's Day meal), I made sure to eat sauerkraut and pork on 1/1/2014.  Yeah, well... I won't be doing that again!

I switched it up this year (I really need a good 2015!) and ate sauerkraut on New Year's Eve!
Then, we had healthy on New Year's Day!  Onion burgers for everyone and vegetables for OB and me, while MBB had noodles.
Let's see how the universe likes that one~~~

I guess now it is time to set my annual goals...
I don't like resolutions - especially New Year's Resolutions.  Seems that they always get broken and making them is just setting yourself up for failure.
So, I am making New Year's Goals (again).

Physical Side
-Get my Fitbit to exceed 10,000 steps at least three times a week... GULP
-Wear my retainer at least once a week...

Mental Side
-Read 12 books (hardback or thought provoking)...
-Scrapbook the pictures that are already sitting in my craft room (Yes - scrapbooking is mental!  Try coming up with creative, good-looking layouts!)...

Spiritual Side
-Get to church at least two times a month...
-Read a devotion every Monday...

Wish me luck.

Namaste.