Charles J. Sykes

I didn't write this - Charles J. Sykes did. I may not agree with everything he wrote, but it made me smile at points and laugh at others.

Some rules kids won't learn in school
By Charles J. Sykes

Printed by San Diego Union Tribune
September 19, 1996
Unfortunately, there are some things that children should be learning in school, but don't. Not all of them have to do with academics. As a modest back-to-school offering, here are some basic rules that may not have found their way into the standard curriculum.

Rule No. 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen-ager uses the phrase, "It's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule No. 1.

Rule No. 2: The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as much as your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain it's not fair. (See Rule No. 1)

Rule No. 3: Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school.And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.

Rule No. 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you feel about it.

Rule No. 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grand-parents had a different word of burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Rule No. 6: It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it, or you'll sound like a baby boomer.

Rule No. 7: Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.

Rule No. 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. In some schools, they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone's feelings be hurt. Effort is as important as results. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4)

Rule No. 9: Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on.While we're at it, very few jobs are interesting in fostering yourself-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)

Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people
actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be
as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.

Rule No. 11: Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.

Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.

Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.

Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now.

You're welcome.

Things that make me go "Hmmmm..."

Namaste.

Sometimes Silence is Golden

As I have gotten older, I have realized that there are some situations that will not always be "rainbows and roses".
I have also learned a hard lesson that others will only impact my self esteem if I let them. My self worth is my responsibility. . .No one else's.

If I was in a situation where I was failing, it was up to me to improve. It is not my teacher's / coach's / parent's fault.
If I was in a situation where I was being talked down to, it was up to me to remove myself from the situation. It is no one else's fault if I continue to openly receive.

Unfortunately, I didn't always improve - just ask my family about my athletic skills.
Unfortunately, removing myself from situations sometimes caused me to loose contact with additional people not involved.

Fortunately, I now know my limitations and am okay with that.
Fortunately, I am much happier without negative situations.
And to prevent myself from becoming one of those "situations", I have learned that "sometimes silence is golden".

Too bad I can't implement this in my work life where the paycheck is a bit more important. . .
Luckily, my skin has gotten a bit thicker over the years.

So, today I am working on not being that "situation" as I have found myself struggling.
I am letting go of my attachment to people I have had to say goodbye to in order to be healthy and happy.
I am enjoying my memories of the past without letting them impact my present.

Namaste.

Blog Silence

Lately, there has been a lot of silence here.

A few reasons:
- Four visitations in under two months. I'm tired of goodbyes.
- The happy stress of planning a wedding. I love MBB and our wedding. . .Stress, not so much.
- Volleyball Season in full swing. Boosters, Fund-raising, Senior Night, AUGH! Thank God for carpools!
- Football Season in full swing.
- Major construction on our property. I'll be so happy this winter not having to scrap!
- Lack of sleep. WARNING: Parts of this post may not make sense.
- An attempt to not use the blog for my negative vomiting. . .
- A game called " How many emails / voice mails / having others call will it take to get a RSVP?"

Yep, life is fun and interesting right now.
And that's okay!

Namaste.

They're Only Words. . .

"Sticks and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
Yep, I said those when I was little.
Yep, I lied.

"Will you marry me?"
"You're ugly."
"You look gorgeous!"
"I hate you."

The impact of words can be life altering.
They can impact self-esteem, kill enthusiasm or increase motivation, make someone feel great or depressed.
I have seen young adults' personalities change drastically after receiving praise or criticism.
I catch myself telling the younger generations: "What they think doesn't matter, don't pay them any attention!", but I cringe as I say it because I know that it does matter.
When I have called kids out on what they are saying, I get a "I was just joking!" I cringe. . .
A wise person once told me that every joke has a small piece of truth in it somewhere.

Back in high school, I will always remember being added to the bottom of another student's Senior list as "Most Annoying". She sat in front of me and pointed it out to the person sitting next to her in a way that made it pretty easy to see her paper. That in itself didn't bother me much as I wasn't friends with her.
The words that did impact me?
The person she shared it with (who I thought was a good friend), replying "Yeah, I know".
I did the "mature" thing and ignored it - I doubt that they know I saw/overheard.
Those words affected me inside to such a degree that I still think of it, 18 years later, and second guess a lot of what I do today to make sure that I'm not being annoying.

There are a few words that I do not allow in our home.
"I'm going to kill you" and "You're fat" are two that come to mind quickly.
I don't care what the situation is. . .I'm not up for negotiation on it.
Is that annoying? Don't care.

Some people may be able to forget things easily, some can't.
I forgive (in most cases pretty quickly), but it is very hard for me to forget and it is even harder for me to not be emotionally impacted by words, even years later. Many times, the way I interact with people changes permanently based on their words.

I try to pick my words wisely and even ask myself "Will what I say have impact in 10 years?".
You may be surprised how many times I answer "maybe".
Sometimes when I am talking to young adults, I answer "hopefully".

As I have gotten older, my "skin" has gotten thicker. . .
That doesn't mean that the words do not have less of an impact, it just means it is harder for people to see the results.
So if you happen to catch me with watery eyes - it could be a piece of dust in my eyeball or I may be reliving a memory inside from yesterday, last year or even 18 years ago.

Is that healthy?
Sometimes yes, Sometimes no.
This is me, this is my journey. . .I can't change it.

Namaste.

Sad Obligations

MBB and I have been at funeral homes two evenings this week to pay our respects.
Yes, it is only Wednesday.

In the last two weeks, I have been to three visitations (or layouts, as MBB calls them) and since late December, there have been four.

I said goodbye to a:
-49 year old man who had a heart attack
-42 year old man who was playing volleyball in the heat
-40 year old man who was in a car wreck just a football field or two from him home
-50 year old man who had severe diabetes

They were too young to die!

Namaste.

Parent Homework

Yes, it is that time of the year again. . .
You know - When PARENTS get tons of homework!

Even with forms being mailed to the house ahead of time (yes, I did fill them out early too!), I still had a huge pile to read and sign.

I may be weird, but I actually read the stuff that I sign.
Even the small print.

Like the one sentence. . .
"Here is your first test. Have the bottom part of this paper signed and then turn in the detached portion for 20 points. If you turn in the entire sheet, you will only receive 15 points."

Good thing that I am nice and pointed it out to MaBell since she had signed without reading. . .
Would have hated for her to get a D for her first grade.

Namaste.

Ten Things Keeping Me Busy

1. Volleyball Boosters
2. Back To School Shopping
3. Preparing for an Appraisal
4. Planning a Wedding
5. Football Practice Driving
6. Volleyball Practice Carpool
7. Working
8. Exercising (Elliptical or Church Volleyball)
9. Filling out School Forms (they multiply like rabbits!)
10. Walking upright

Namaste.

Budget Challenge - July

Here's the results for this month in our Grocery / Supply reduction.

Budget: $400.00
Actual OOP: $528.34
Retail Price: $916.99
Coupon Savings: $129.57
Sales Savings: $259.08

This was a rough month with OB's birthday party and some other big "Run outs, must replace!".
Luckily, the ALLYou challenge was only four weeks (not six), so we didn't do as bad as I thought we did - I still have to post those weeks, but I haven't tracked down our restaurant spending yet. :(

Namaste.

No More Pre-Teen!

Happy Birthday OB!!!
You are now officially a TEENAGER!

Gasp. . .I am starting to feel old.

Namaste.

Success!

Nickey and I finished the wedding invites.
I am VERY pleased with them! My apologies for the slightly blurry pictures. . .

This is the invitation that I kept for our scrapbook.
On the upper flap (that the RSVP card is laying on), all of the other invitations had a map printed on velum. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of someone else's and they are now all in sealed envelopes. :)
Namaste.